A cheating spouse is probably one of the major reasons why marriages fail. It is a devastating event and something we don't wish on anyone.
However, if the cheating spouse is willing to reconcile, there is always hope. If both parties are committed to doing the work that is necessary to repair the damage that was done anything is possible!
The road to healing and dealing with the past when this happens is a hard one but also incredibly rewarding. In our experience most couples, where one party was a cheating spouse, who eventually reconciled, did not only address the issue but took their relationship to another level, even better than it was before!
It is difficult to imagine or even start to believe that last statement, especially in the midst of the incredible anger and sadness of a broken heart. It is therefore, incredibly important to be honest and deal with this pain first. Healing needs to take place before growth can happen.
Both parties in the marriage will have an equally important role to play. It will feel natural and instinctive to blame, shame and criticize the cheating spouse. It is only human to find blame and accuse, especially in this case.
It would also be natural for the cheating spouse to blame her or his partner for the infidelity i.e. trying to blame their partner for something they are not doing "right".
in order to reconcile, heal, re-connect and get to a place where you can go forward again all this needs to STOP.
Trying to find out who was "right or wrong" and blaming and shaming, in our opinion, will only lead to the divorce court and the judge will take over from there.
It is a path that, understandably so, seems to be the only option when the cheating spouse is "caught out" or admits to cheating.
If you and your partner can get over the stage of blaming, accusing, shaming, and trying to figure out who the right or wrong party was, you have a chance to save your marriage.
We know this sounds incredibly hard.
The only way to go forward though, is to do something different. 50% of marriages end up in divorce. That means people cannot find a way to reconcile, forgive, move on and do something different. Forgiving a cheating spouse will take incredible courage, vulnerability and hard work. Forgiving yourself, if you are the cheating spouse, will be just as hard.
Your heart might feel like it's breaking and it will be the biggest challenge in your life BUT there is a process that can help you mend and make amends.
Firstly make a decision to commit to your relationship. You need to make this decision consciously and intentionally with the expectation to do something different than before.
Secondly you need to close the "exit". This might sound like a logical step but it is important to close all possible avenues that might lead back to having an affair. This is crucial!
Thirdly you need to re-commit to your relationship and invest something new in the space between. This space between is what is happening between you and your partner and it might not feel safe and joyful right now.
That "unsafe", dangerous space might have been what led the cheating spouse to look for an exit, to "get out", to seek fulfillment elsewhere...
However, you need to invest the energy, time and commitment to make this space what you want it to be. Safe, joyful and alive! Yes, it is possible.
Contact us and we can help you co-create that space and help you get the love you want!